I just created this blog so that I could have a place where all my God thoughts can go and feelings and what not about him. You have a comment or something to say... say it! So here goes my first post....
Recently I've really been thinking about what I am really doing with my life. I know on my other blog I had posted about how I can see God's hand in me being a vet, but as I think of it now, I know I was just trying to convince myself that this is what He wanted. Yesterday during Campus Crusade for Christ, our speaker was talking about our choices in life. He referred to a book by Eriwin McManus called
Seizing Your Divine Moment. He started talking about what we must consider when making our decisions. There were 7 steps, but the ones that stick out of my mind were the following: 1. Pray 2. Seek Godly Council 3. Get closer to Him and 4. Make a Pro/Con list. Eventhough I can't remember the others, the fourth point spoke wonders to me. I always made it, but at the same time I always thought God wasn't pleased that I did. Eric, our speaker, told us "God gave us a brain. He would wants us to use it!"
As a sidenote: Today I was supposed to go out with some Campus Crusade friends tonight, but didn't. I was flipping through the channels on the T.V. and came across something I've never seen before. It was HillsongTV... I was blown away! So I watched Pastor Brian Houston preach about we can't have narrow minds and God wants us to open-minded. I know I've heard this so many times before, but it's all just fitting together now. He read this passage: "And no, dear brothers and sisters, let me say one more thing as I close this letter. Fix your thoughts on what is true and honorable and right. Think about things that are pure and lovely and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. Keep putting into practice all you learned from me and heard from from and saw me doing, and the God of peace will be with you" Philippians 4:8,9 !!!! After he read that I was like wow...
So continuing on, Eric was telling how God's plan for us was easy and then continued with no examples because He couldn't think of any (He had "???????????" on the slide, you had to have been there... priceless). Then He said that it's not easy and began telling about Ezekiel's assignments in Ezekiel 4... that was funny too, but man his points were just coming in through my ear and stayed in my mind and was making sense. Eric was talking about making Decisions. How when we need something we ask God for help and that we sometimes pray "God tell me what I can do for you. Show me what you want me to do for you." Eric's reply to that comment was DO SOMETHING. God doesn't want us just sitting around until He speaks, he wants us to go out and do something. If you have two choices and you make the wrong one, God will know and will nudge you back until you are on that path that He wants you on. It's hard to steer a car while it's parked, so go do something and start moving! That's what I learned this past weekend.
This really helped me with my education decision. I have been thinking about Vet school and why and how I chose it and what were those reasons and were those reasons valid and about who I was and if Vet school is who I am. To be honest... I don't think it is. It was me running away, not wanting God's plan for me to come true. Why? because I am so scared. I thought I was alone with these thoughts, but I've found out over the past few days that I'm not. There are others. So you might be asking... if not Vet school then what? Well as of right now, I don't know exactly, I will be trying my hardest to complete my B. Sc. in Animal Biology, but if God doesn't want that to happen, then it won't. I'm giving him control, if I start to take that control back, my life just plummits into a dark dark hole and it's taken me about 1.5 yrs right now to see the light one of the choices I made. Nevertheless I may have chosen the wrong choice, but God gave me something... friends. Other Christians, who I can talk to about my situations, who can relate and who can bring it all back to God and how awesome He truly is. It's something I've needed, but never wanted to go after.
As an answer to my questions about being a vet: Why? because of my parents. I wanted to make them happy that I was gonna be a doctor and for myself, I wanted to make myself happy with the money, with the idea of I can save up so much for my kids and how I don't want my kids to have to feel like they have to worry about spending money. It's how I feel sometimes, but I know that my parents are so faithful to God that He wants to provide it for my parents.
How? that's easy... I knew back when I was a child I wanted to do it and I saw my friend's dad and how happy he was with it and how is family loved eachother so much and how I knew I wanted that with my kids. I don't want my kids to not hear the words "I love you" come out my mouth, even when I'm upset with them.
What Were The Reasons? As I just said, for my kids. The more I think about the choices I make in life, I'm already considering how it will pay off for my kids. Don't even have a girlfriend, but as I talk to friends I am coming to understand that we all are. That is where our lives are headed. It is where we will all end up.
Were They Valid? Of course, thoughts are valid and choices are valid, but the part that wasn't valid was the fact that I was going further and further away from God. The one that'd make it all valid for me.
Who Am I? Can't answer that question because I still don't really know. The only part that I'm certain about myself is that I'm someone who doesn't want to flee anymore. I'm sick of running away and standing firm and saying "I am a Christian and am proud of it". There is one other thing I know about who I am... I know that I fail constantly with God, but I also know that who I am is someone who truly cares for people. As my High School English Teacher said to me after my last class with him, "Nathan, you wear your heart on your sleeve... and that's so rare. It's what makes you who you are. Don't lose that!" I lost it or at least tried to hide it from everyone, but now that wall is slowly coming down and as it comes down, I know God is slowly entering in and changing me and moulding me like nothing I've ever felt like before.
So at 2:16 am on Sunday morning, I've completed my first blog on this new website. I hope that words I type make sense to you and maybe if I'm lucky it would speak to someone else. Like the movie Pay It Forward, do a good deed for someone and tell them to do a good deed for someone else... but here its share a moment that helped you and if someone gets helped through it, pass it on share a moment that changed your life and then someone might be changed by it and they'll pass it on a moment that helped them. I leave you with this verse that I read last night after Campus Crusade for Christ... it made me think about other parts of my life... that I'll soon get to next time!
"Finshing is better than starting. Patience is better than pride. Don't be quick-tempered, for anger is the friend of fools. Don't long for 'the good old days,' for you don't know whether they were any better than today." Ecclesiates 7:8-10
